3under3 guide to wrecking mammy's day



The following is based on true events.* Some names have been changed.**
*I shit you not. If it hadn't have happened to me I'd doubt it possible.
**From what I was calling them all in my head. 😡👊🏻
Let me prelude this story by breaking some devastating news. Sadly, my beloved tumble dryer is no longer with us. Apparently Hoover are excellent at developing tumble dryers you can text to tell them to turn themselves on, but while developing this feature they sorta dropped the ball on making sure it actually fecking dried clothes. Maybe not entirely their fault though, as the geniuses at Hoover probably didn't foresee a domestic machine having to cope with 95 billion loads a day. They are, of course, replacing it but in the meantime I had to revert back to old school methods. Method number one is hanging them out on a line to dry....JOKING, this is summer in Ireland and clothes come off the line wetter than they go on it!!
So the clothes horse it is! I made a discovery a few years back that using a dehumidifier when drying clothes dries them much more quickly!! Meaning obviously time to dry more loads! #laundrygoals
Its also good for the humidity of your house or some bullshit but that's neither here nor there to me!
So the trusty dehumidifier was dug out of the attic and has been running near constantly since. Well that is to say, it WAS running constantly until Saturday....and that is when my tale of woe begins.
It started off on such a positive note! I had just ordered, for the first time, matching outfits for all three girls. Ripped the fresh plastic open and dressed my three gorgeous girls in their lovely, new clothes! Himself was busying himself in the garden painting a wooden playhouse for the girls. The baby was sleeping and I sent the big girl and the wee girl out to the back garden to have a bit of time to tidy up. Things were going so well. I was feeling very on top of things and a bit #blessed. I can see now that I may have been acting a bit smug so karma had other ideas! Pissing herself laughing no doubt, she hatched a 3 point plan, the thorough bitch! 
I discovered the first part of her plan as I went to clean the downstairs toilet. One of the rooms that sees the most action in our house, not least of all because the wee girl is OBSESSED with water! Elephants can sniff a water source out from 19km away so I'm convinced if we did one of those ancestry DNA tests on her it would come back like 7% African elephant! If she hears a tap turned on she's over like lightning pulling a chair behind her. If there's a few droplets of rain forming a puddle she's jumping/bathing in it! And there's a source she discovered that's always available to her and on her level...the downstairs toilet! I couldn't tell you the number of times she's had her hands in the bowl! In fact one time she'd been quiet for a while until I heard a wee call of 'stuck' or 'tuck' as she says it. Followed the cry for help to the toilet to find her IN the fecking thing! Feet and legs in the bowl! And on top of all this she of course loves to put things down the toilet. Poor Igglepiggle has been cast in the role of Andy Dufresne during his escape from Shawshank more times than he or I would care for. But while igglepiggle can be bleached and he's right as rain, on Saturday she chose something a little less bleachable to put down there......the remote for the fire stick! 😭 Any of you who have one will know that without the remote the firestick is useless, which I now think is a cunning business plan by amazon to rip the complete piss out of the likes of me! £20 for a new one. Sure I have plenty of £20 notes lying about going spare, order me two! I jest, I've been on maternity pay for the guts of 3 years.
Karma 1 Me 0
After I stopped cursing I noticed that the house was oddly quiet. I could, of course hear squealing children coming from the garden, but there was something else......I couldn't hear the sound of the dehumidifier! I went to empty the water tray to stay on my strict drying schedule and when I put it back in I heard the sound of the dehumidifier trying to whir but failing....as if something was catching on the fan.....so I investigate and find an ear bud in there. I'm pointing no fingers but I've an idea who did it and it's not her first crime of the day. And it's positioned in such a way that trying to get it out just pushes it further in.....I honestly felt like crying knowing it means that we're down to one load drying a day!!
Karma 2 Me 0
I then go to the garden to tell himself that we've casualties in the house to the tune of about £100 and find him wrestling the wee girl into the house and she's covered in blue paint!!! Turns out her puddle obsession isn't exclusive to water and she will happily jump in royal blue outdoor paint!! And in her struggle to get free she's got paint on the big girl! My gorgeous coordinated outfits not on them 2 hrs!!!!!!! Not to mention the wee girls gorgeous rose gold trainers. 
Karma 3 Me 0
I usually drink the cheap wine because of the aforementioned financial state but I thought for the day that was in it I may as well just throw the towel in!! 
FML

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