From the minute I got pregnant with the big girl I've encountered those subtle and not so subtle comments that many people make about me and my parenting skills, let's just call it what it is...Mammy shaming. It starts before you've even thought about getting pregnant actually and as far as I can tell never stops! And I will give people their dues: they are very thorough in their judgment, leaving no stone unturned and no area of my life that they haven't given their 'valuable' opinion on. The sources of the mammy shaming vary but they're usually unsurprising and at the top of the list is family/friends closely followed by complete fecking strangers! I've also experienced a good bit from medical professionals but this week I experienced mammy shaming from a source so unexpected I felt that I had to share.
Let me take you on my mammy shaming journey........
After me and himself passed the point of no return aka got married we started to get the usual what about a baby now comments, 'It will be you next' etc. Then during my first pregnancy there were such all time classics as 'Will you breastfeed?' Will you go for a natural birth?' Will you take pain relief?'.....Ah the memories! It's only when the babies were born though that people really came into their own with their 'advice' and probing questions. I hadn't even left the post natal ward before one of my relatives commented on how my visitors were uncomfortable when I breastfed during visiting time. So constructive! Just what a stressed-out sleep deprived new mammy needs when a hungry newborn is trying to latch on. I don't know about you all but that has made me the mammy I am today!
Another favourite of mine was when a near stranger asked me if my third pregnancy in three years was planned.....I think it was probably given a bit more thought than the question you just asked!!
There are too many others to list individually but including the topics of holding the baby too much and too little, how I put them to sleep, how much TV they watch, what they eat and drink, etc etc etc.
Thanks to my own brilliant mammy I have a thick skin and none of this was given a second thought other than 'The cheek of your one!' and up until now I have never been really surprised by any of the things that have been said until last night......
I was in my sisters house yesterday evening working on our small business while she was putting my two nieces, 2 year old and 3 year old, to bed. I came in while they were already in their room but they're very observant aka would hear the grass grow and soon worked out that I was in the house. Had to go down eventually to give them a wee goodnight kiss. They sensed my guard was down and they pounced....
Another favourite of mine was when a near stranger asked me if my third pregnancy in three years was planned.....I think it was probably given a bit more thought than the question you just asked!!
There are too many others to list individually but including the topics of holding the baby too much and too little, how I put them to sleep, how much TV they watch, what they eat and drink, etc etc etc.
Thanks to my own brilliant mammy I have a thick skin and none of this was given a second thought other than 'The cheek of your one!' and up until now I have never been really surprised by any of the things that have been said until last night......
I was in my sisters house yesterday evening working on our small business while she was putting my two nieces, 2 year old and 3 year old, to bed. I came in while they were already in their room but they're very observant aka would hear the grass grow and soon worked out that I was in the house. Had to go down eventually to give them a wee goodnight kiss. They sensed my guard was down and they pounced....
Me: I've come in to say night night.
3yo: Why are you back in my house?(nice!)
Me: I'm here to sew some bibs.
3yo: Why?
Me: Because that's my job darling.
(At this point she must have invisibly tagged her sister in.)
2yo: But where are your wains*? ( I shit you not...actual quote word for word!)
Me: They're in the house in bed.
2yo: But where's your baby? (Translation: I mean you couldn't have possibly left a defenceless baby without its mother as you go galavanting here there and everywhere!!)
Me: She's in bed too. In the house. With her daddy. (honestly was starting to justify myself)
Me: Right night night girls. (I'm making for the door because I can sense the judgement coming from them before a final parting shot...)
3yo: Why did you dress up like that?(like she means fancy dress/costume/Halloween....)
Me: These are just my clothes that I was wearing when you saw me earlier. Night night!!!
3yo: Why are you back in my house?(nice!)
Me: I'm here to sew some bibs.
3yo: Why?
Me: Because that's my job darling.
(At this point she must have invisibly tagged her sister in.)
2yo: But where are your wains*? ( I shit you not...actual quote word for word!)
Me: They're in the house in bed.
2yo: But where's your baby? (Translation: I mean you couldn't have possibly left a defenceless baby without its mother as you go galavanting here there and everywhere!!)
Me: She's in bed too. In the house. With her daddy. (honestly was starting to justify myself)
Me: Right night night girls. (I'm making for the door because I can sense the judgement coming from them before a final parting shot...)
3yo: Why did you dress up like that?(like she means fancy dress/costume/Halloween....)
Me: These are just my clothes that I was wearing when you saw me earlier. Night night!!!
Seriously?
Seriously???
Seriously???
I'm away on here to have a word with myself, question some of my life choices and throw out some of my clothes.....
😭😭
😭😭
*wains = children
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